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Suicide: In The Midst Of Pain

David Scott Deere - January 25, 1976 to December 27, 2000

A few thoughts to consider about life.

Think of them as words offered to you for your
examination at the price of a human life.

It is from a great loss that these words were inspired.

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In memory of David Scott Deere:
Jan. 25, 1976 - Dec. 27, 2000


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Thoughts to help you carry-on


In the midst of pain
By: C. Czach Hidalgo
- December 31, 2000

Donít let life pass you by where youíll look back wondering what happened and how you missed out on everything while being there.

In the midst of pain, I hope youíll take the time to look outside your situation and allow for a sound decision to be made based on good judgment.

Having suffered, I hope you stop and think about the times that counter your present circumstances.

Donít be afraid to be weak because there will be times where you certainly are.

Donít be afraid to be strong either, because youíll need to draw from that strength many times through out life.

I hope you never settle for the path of least resistance, for quantity usually takes second place to quality in our brief walk through time.

I trust youíll hope for a time when you can once again place a smile before laughter and swim in an ocean of joy.

May you have what many people worldwide do not have: The freedom to take life by the reins and ride off into the sunset.

I hope you still feel small when you stand before the awesome vastness of an incredible world around you.

Consider what youíll be thinking as you turn your hundredth year on Earth as you're surrounded by your entire family and friends.

I hope you make the decision to seize the day while you still have it, and while you can still make something productive (or constructive) from what it has to offer.

Let the world around you sound its message of possibility for all creatures large and small.

Let the light of each day shine on your face a brand new message of hope with every step you take toward the future.

Allow for faith to distance you from those that plot to steal your dreams.

I hope you never lose the sense of wonder we can access at any time.

Pursue the love of family and friends with the understanding that itís required from you first.

Living might mean taking chances, but itís better to err trying than never trying at all.

Promise me that youíll give yourself a chance.  I think youíre worth it and Iím convinced there are others who agree.

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A Personal Account with a suicide


A strange thing happened to me the day and approximate time that my friend Scott died.

I don't claim to have any particular powers or abilities that are any different than the average person, but this specific incident is definitely unique for me, but not unheard of to others.

I was working as a lift operator at the local ski area in Flagstaff, AZ (Snow Bowl).  The day was especially busy because it was the middle of Winter Break for Northern Arizona University (and U of A - Tucson, AZ and ASU - Tempe, AZ) and a few days after Christmas.

It got to be around 11:30 a.m. when I suddenly began to feel lightheaded and unusually weak.  I pressed on because that day we were a little short handed (nothing new) and I didn't want to let the chief down by leaving early.

After a while, Adam, one of the other lift operators working with me (on the worst lift to work - all beginners) noticed that I didn't look all that good.  He gave me a PowerAde thirst quencher to help me out.

He questioned me about the previous night's activities thinking I was hung over or something.  The thing was that I hadn't drunk any alcohol for a few days.  I had gone to sleep around 9 p.m. that night so I could be ready for my fifth day of work at nine hours straight without a break.  I should have been fine, but certainly wasn't.

Another half hour, or so, passed and I got weaker.  Adam finally insisted that I call the boss and tell him what was happening to me.

While taking to Eric (the chief) I explained that I didn't have a head-ache, didn't have a stomach ache, nothing on my body hurt, but I was unusually lightheaded and weak.

He told me to see the Ski Patrol and have them check me out.

They hooked me up to some machine with twelve points on my body to monitor my heart, etc.  But that showed nothing out of the ordinary, in fact, it only verified that I was in good health and my body was operating normally.

After more medical interviews and tests, they sent me home after trying to get me to go to the hospital.  I refused cause I knew I was alright physically, but also knew something was wrong.

After that day I had three days off before I had to return to work and spent most of the time in bed and relaxing.

It was a couple days into my break from work that I received the phone call from my friend Maija telling me that my friend Scott had died.

After some more conversation I asked what day Scott had died.  Maija answered saying "December 28th around noon or so".

My eyes opened wide and I got a stiff, dull painful sensation in my stomach right after I realized it was that day and approximate time when I had my episode at work.

I don't know about you, but that really spooked me.

I don't know how to consider that other than it happened and I can't deny it.

In a way I'm thankful for the experience because it's almost as if Scott made one last attempt to communicate before he graduated from this experience into the next.  I can't prove that in any way, but whatever the case may be, I had one last experience with him.

Unfortunately, this story takes an even darker turn.  I found out recently (June 2001 -- six months later) that Scott ended up dying by his own hand.  It was a good thing they held that information from me when they initially told me.  I would have really lost it, that's for sure.

How Scott got to the point of shooting himself in the head in a (foolish) game of Russian Roulette, I don't know, but that's what happened.

I hadn't seem him in a few years and I suspect it had to be drugs or something related to drugs, cause I really don't think he would've made such a decision in his right mind.

I never thought I'd know someone who would die by their own hand, especially by Russian Roulette.

Please people, things are not as bad as they may seem.  Just push past it all and keep going.  Overcome and adapt. You'll be glad you did.

Just live everyday as though you're going to die that day (knowing you probably won't), but you'll soon develop an appreciation for life you've never had.  Trust me on that one, it works.  It may take a few years, but it'll be worth it.

Scott, I miss you. I miss you a lot!  You will always be in my thoughts, which fortunately no one can steal from me (you punk).

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Life after a suicide

What are we to do after a suicide?

Are we to carry the blame whether it's ours or not?

NO, NO and NO!

You have to remember suicide is 100%, prime time and in every way an act of total and complete selfishness on the victim's part, not yours!

It's usually used by the victim to manipulate us and to instill guilt within us for the rest of our lives...and it will instill guilt ONLY if you let it!

Know that manipulation and guilt are in many, many, many cases an unneeded and unnecessary form of selfishness.

NO ONE should have to be subjected to such a creature (selfishness).

Granted yes, your loved one (family member or friend) is gone, but remember (regardless of how much it hurts and how much it may seem insensitive), they did it to themselves, not to you.

You have to pick up the pieces and carry on. It's not going to be easy (how could it possibly?).

Now is the time where you have to overcome and adapt to the situation.  Make your life more of "what it can be" as a result. Make yourself the winner here. Don't give up and lose...too.

Turn the negative situation into a positive one, you have the power to do that. There should be nothing (no, absolutely nothing) to keep you from doing what you want.

There is no written rule, no commandment or law that can keep you from taking control of any situation. Anything is possible.

If you don't agree, you've already been brain-washed and it'll be a harder climb to the top, but you can still do it.

Take the time to mourn the horrific loss, you need to do that for yourself...but don't let it control you. Find a good place in your life (not too distant) to let it go.

You don't have to forget them entirely, just the fact that they are no longer around, that's all.

Remember all their good points, all the good times you had together, all those things that made the person unique.

Build a place in your heart (visually) especially for them and collect all the great thoughts of them and manually (for the lack of a better term) place all things good in this new "File" within your heart.

Then build a protective shield around that new file and refer to it frequently.

But most definitely and assuredly, do not let this tragic event in your life bring you down with them. You're still alive, remember?

You're not being insensitive. You have to get a grip! You're just carrying on as you should.

Grieve, you have to and will (unless you're...nevermind). Start today and make it a habit.

You owe it to yourself and everyone else to be yourself, not anyone or anything else others think you should be.  Who are they to control you?

Give them a piece of their own medicine and tell them who you think they should be...they'll love that.  Then confess to them you don't have the right to insist on they don't have the right either.

Let life succeed, not death.

Think about it.


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